QCA December Message

Hello from the Queer Community Alliance! We’ve been off to a bit of a slow start this year, but we are up and running now and committed to making the School of Social Work a better place for all gender and sexual minority students. Whether same-gender attracted, multi-gender attracted, under the trans/nonbinary umbrella, or on the ace spectrum—or all of the above!—we want to be a place where all of us who don’t fit in the narrow circles of cisheteronormativity can go to relax, have fun, and be ourselves. We’re also working with the university-wide Queer Student Alliance on projects to support our community, such as the recent Transgender Day of Remembrance, as well as advocating for ourselves in student government and with school faculty, administration, and alumni, such as our efforts to organize against recent (thankfully retracted) changes to Texas social worker licensing standards that could have led to serious harm to both the queer and disabled communities.

Making meetings fun in a pandemic can be a challenge, but we are always looking for new ways to enjoy ourselves, like last month’s “Stitch-and-Bitch" crafting and chatting session. We’re very open to new ideas and eager to meet you!

We’re also interested in helping to educate the entire SSW community about issues impacting our community, and hope to use this space to that end in coming months. With that in mind, and in light of recent news about the actor Elliot Page, here’s a quick guide to how to talk about a trans person who just came out.

Ready? Here it is: However that particular trans person told you to.

Okay, if you want more details I can give some, but keep in mind these are guidelines that apply to most of us; we’re not a monolith, and some of us prefer things that others find hurtful, just like every other large, diverse group of people. But generally:

Don’t out us to anyone. Most of us come out in different spaces and to different people at different times; that’s our decision and if you override it you could be endangering us.

If we tell you our gender, name, or pronouns, that’s the gender, name, or pronouns you use. Elliot Page said his pronouns are he and they, so those are the pronouns you can use. He said his name is Elliot, so that is the name you use. Forget any other name you ever knew him by, because there is no circumstance under which you will ever need it. After all, if I say “Elliot Page, star of Juno and Umbrella Academy, just came out as trans” you either recognize those roles and know who I’m talking about, or you don’t and other names wouldn’t help. And if someone tells you it’s fine to call them by an old name, that’s their choice too—we’re individuals, and we’ll each tell you the right way to talk about us individually.

Don’t say things like “used to be a...” or “became a...” Some of us experience being trans that way, but most of us don’t, and find it hurtful when you imply that we used to be someone else. I may sometimes refer to “when I was a little boy,” but that’s me using humor to try to control a traumatic experience; I’m a woman, so unless I tell you otherwise, you refer to me as a woman/girl (depending on age) regardless of whether it’s before or after any particular milestone.

And if you slip up here and there, that’s okay! Apologize, briefly, and do better. We generally know when someone’s doing it maliciously and when they’re genuinely trying and made a mistake—the latter group get better over time, after all! Definitely don’t make a big show of apologizing, though. That’s just embarrassing for everyone.

Most of all, though, just listen to how we talk about ourselves, and especially when we tell you what to call us. There’s no trick; once you accept us for who we are, the rest follows naturally.

Jennifer Blue

Co-chair, Queer Community Alliance