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Allison Kirsch

Awakening

I may be one of tens or hundreds of thousands of white people in the United States who got definitively educated during 2020 on the harsh realities of structural racism. As an older student, I have long been aware of our country’s past and present when it comes to racism, and I have spent time throughout my life and in foundation-level courses at UMB looking closely at my identity and privilege. Watching the truth play out so brutally during 2020 felt like a soul-deep, heart-wrenching, tectonic shift-style education. My story is not one of picket signs and protests, but of a deep intellectual understanding of my role in the system and what has felt like a call to action to do something about it.


There are many ways people protested this year, and my protest was to imagine a different world and put pen to paper to bring it to life. So, before I graduate in May, let me back up and tell the story of my 2020 awakening.


My post-graduation professional goal is to work in outdoor adventure therapy. Since there aren’t courses at UMB that fit, I have focused on learning through networking, reading, and attending online courses and conferences. The more I have studied, the more I have seen that adventure therapy is just one more area that is out of reach as a treatment option for many people without privilege.


The field is expanding with more community-based models but remains largely available only to those who can pay. So, I expanded my goal to make it my life’s work to not only deliver outdoor adventure therapy, but to broaden access to include anyone who wants that type of therapy experience.


When I realized my summer 2020 plans to gain adventure therapy experience would be thwarted by COVID-19, I considered my options for my advanced year of study. After talking to Dean Amanda Lehning about the requirements, I opted to pursue a for-credit independent study project focused on adventure therapy practice broadly, and on equity and access, specifically.


The last step in planning for my independent study was to find a professor willing to work with me. I had Professor Howard for a foundation-level class, and he struck me as a curious, principled, and dedicated social worker and teacher, who would also be interested in my topic. I reached out, but not before considering what I was doing—asking a Black man to help a white woman deepen my understanding of structural racism.


I have read anti-racism books and followed BIPOC writers and influencers on social media, so I know I am supposed to teach myself or find a white guide in my own anti-racism journey. But the circumstance of being in a structured learning environment pushed me to ask.


Professor Howard’s immediate response was “It would be my honor.” And so, I opened the door, found a partner to hold it open with me, and stepped through.


Looking back after a much needed and relaxing winter break, I had no idea what this project would turn out to be. It became so much more than a research paper about outdoor adventure therapy. Supported with a new understanding of historical racial trauma, and cultural and racial identity development, it became the potential for a living, breathing program that would bring adolescents and young adults of different backgrounds together for individual and group healing, and for social justice action.


Although the project is done and the grade is earned, I know now that my awakening is only the beginning.


This project has activated me to a level that will continue this semester with Professor Howard and I working on curriculum development, and only ends with me involved in a hands-on way in bringing this project to life.


Now that the door is open, I don’t need a partner to hold it. I found a door stopper and am standing outside the next door gathering my courage to see what’s there.


It was easy in life to feel indignant about the things that were happening in the world, and it’s harder to do something about it, but so worth it. I came to the UMB School of Social Work one person, and I’m leaving another.


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